i used to be like you.
i had secret interests in things that made me tingle. Things that i didn't
talk about with normal people. The blessed Internet allowed me to explore
these things privately. One day i searched for "hypnofetish, feminine power"
or something like that and i found Mistress Soforia. i touched the page a
few times before finally submitting my interrogation. Things progressed
nicely from there as i began buying recorded sessions, listening to them
regularly, emailing Mistress nearly daily of my experiences and devotion to
Her. Then She sent me one of Her famously short, piercing email messages: "i
want more of you." The imagined barrier disappeared and i began taking phone
sessions. With each step, it felt like a solid barrier simply vanished into
vapor and i walked past it easily, naturally. i settled into what i felt was
a comfortable pace, always increasing, but sustainable. i even had in mind a
sensible budget of about $100 per month i could dedicate to Her.
That was a year ago. Right now i am looking at the evidence of what i have
become: The phone bill includes nine calls over seven days totaling ten
hours. This and the week's gifts total more than what i once considered a
sensible budget an entire year! i am so proud of myself and what i am
becoming. It feels so wonderful to serve Her.
(For context, i had these realizations at a time when i was about six months
into being between jobs.)
As i reflected on it then, and now, i realize at that important things must be tended to, must be given in to. The short period of being cash short is now forgotten (new job now in hand), but the precious, INCREDIBLE time that i spent under Mistress's direct control is burned into my mind as a life-important event that i still cannot believe i was granted! :) i have the sessions recorded, but am afraid of re-taking them yet. Their power truly intimidates me. i really don't have the words, or the memories to describe what was done to me, but even just trying to recall it now, my heart is pounding and my body is filled with erotic energy.
The gift that made it all possible was my wife traveling out of town for two weeks; i was to join her for the second week. i knew more than a month in advance that i would have a week of full freedom. Of course the *moment* that i realized this, i offered myself to Mistress. Given my history of $100/month nibbles, i don't know why i didn't think of something more moderate. i instantly knew that i would give myself for ten hours for those nine days of freedom. It was such a round, smooth natural, obvious amount, i could not fight it. i put it in writing to Mistress, insuring that i could not back down. i knew that it would be a enormous burden on Mistress's time. i felt so humble, so eager. i was willing to give Mistress Her gift for ten hours and simply leave it up to Her whim, and how many hours She chose to have me, if any. All was at Her discretion. She toyed with me for weeks on Her decision. i was checking my email every few minutes every day as i hung on Her every thought on the matter, all the while, Her sessions playing in my ears regularly. Days before i was actually free, my mind was completely dedicated to offering myself to Mistress. i dreamed of the preparations, of preparing a place where i would lie upon as an altar and offer myself fully, joyfully for Her consumption. i dreamed of preparing myself, conditioning my mind and body, softening my mind, so it would be pliable and soft for Her delicate hypnotic fingers to shape and mold.
A word on moving the money: 95% of the time i pay our bills so typically i see the statements and can dispose of them, but its not a sure thing. i make enough credit card purchases at Amazon and with PayPal on Ebay for <$100 that i could easily hide them in the shadows. But i did not want to risk such a large line item (ten hours of phone) being seen. As it happens, i have an interest account that i often move money in and out of with my checking account. Have i been doing this intentionally to prepare for this eventual need? i cannot say, but it instantly occurred to me that an extra withdrawal on this account would not be noticed. They always say you should have six months of cash on reserve. i think six months and ten hours is a better target. :)
i have to reiterate how perfect the timing of this gifted week was: Of course having the house to myself was wonderful, but to also be between jobs meant that i had every minute of every hour available to use in worship of Her. Even most of my friends were out of town on vacations of their own. It further happened that promising job opportunities (including the one i eventually took) had already begun rolling, but with hiring managers on vacation (this was August), there was nothing to do but wait. i think i had *one* interrupting phone call the entire period that was outside of my purpose of serving Her. Every single second of the entire period was free to be dedicated to Her!
My wife has been out of town before, but it never all clicked like this. The other times, i was eager to do different naughty things. Things like go to a strip club, or even the Fetish clubs up in San Francisco. I'd buy a bunch of dirty magazines, maybe subscribe to some pay sites and have a general wank fest.
This time was completely different. None of those things interested me, only Her. For a week before my freedom, i did not cum. i could not cum. i had to save myself for Her. i had to make myself helpless and vulnerable for Her. i was a out of my mind, so intensely focused on Her, as if She were a first date and final job interview all rolled into one (bless Her for filling even my thoughts of job interviews with Her erotic power!) i even kept the house clean, immaculate in fact.
My wife left in the morning. i told Mistress that i was available for Her beginning at 7am that morning. Mistress enjoyed letting me wait until later that evening. ALL DAY LONG i took Her recorded sessions. In the car, playing over the stereo as i did chores in the house, and in my ears as i bathed in preparation.
One round of outside chores was to gather the equipment for hands-free phone and also to tap the line for recording into my computer (i asked Mistress permission to do this. O/our sessions are Her property)
There is no way i can remember things in order. i don't know what i remember, i went so deeply. i do remember the days mostly, but even that time is blurry as i was constantly surrounded by the sound of Her Voice.
i know that Mistress sometimes transforms me in to anna. i remember being anna, being chased naked through the woods by horny hunters, like Bambi. Helpless little slavejohn was caged and tied, locked up with headphones on, only able to receive deeper programming as anna was hunted, and was caught. They made me taste their fluids and i went wild with desire for them, wanting them to ravage me.
Other times i am Her sissy slut pet, Her plaything, so tiny and helpless under Her spell, obeying Her and begging to be taken deeper and deeper.
i know She took me deep, sooo deep over and over and over, and the erotic wonderful feeling of being deep is sooo addictive!
i remember Her talking to me, interrogating me about things, and telling Her everything that i could, wanting Her to know All. i love the feeling of being completely open and honest with Her.
i remember Her controlling me, with electric wires and a dial going from 1 to 10. She played with the controls, manipulating my pleasure and my pain. It felt so REAL! It WAS real! She turned a dial all the way up and then off, and then the other dial, and then BOTH dials! Soon it did not matter which dial She turned, EVERYTHING She did felt so INCREDIBLE! Like a delicate paper doll being bashed against a rocky shore by giant waves of surf. She teased me this way over and over. i felt myself just breaking down, sobbing uncontrollably, in actual tears as the emotions i was feeling could not pour out fast enough. i remember that. I'll always remember that. She is so wonderful!
O/our sessions were at different times, morning, evening, afternoon, according to Her preference. i set up speakers beside my pillow to play Her sessions loudly allll night long, programming me and conditioning me, giving me incredibly erotic, intense dreams. i REALLY enjoyed being able to do that. There is no way to describe the experience of having Her voice in my ears playing sessions over and over and over all night long and then all day. I've seen in old movies where the safe crack uses sand paper on his fingertips to make them more sensitive to embrace the safe dial. Then this was like having sandpaper all over my body, inside of my mind, making me ULTRA sensitive for the time i spent with Her. At times it filled me with anxiety, making me feel physically weak so i had to sit down, even shaking a little. But i never left the beautiful sound of Her voice. Even though i have almost all of Her recorded sessions, the amount of repetition i was able to indulge in was fantastic, so intense. Sometimes i would just lie there on the floor where i was, my heart pounding as Her voice pounded my mind like a tenderizing mallet, "Deeper, deeper deeper"
There was one day when She allowed me no sessions at all. A day of recuperation and reflection She suggested. Of course She was right. i had to leave the house to do a few things, to keep up the house, to eat! While i was out on chores, i did something i have never done before, something i had dreamt of, but was never able to do: i bought a pair of red high heel pumps! i thought i might wank, but i did not. i could not. In honor of Mistress, i wore them. i even wore them to bed and slept in them! When i told Mistress about this, She laughed and laughed with delight. i do not know if She programmed me to do this, or merely gave me permission to do this, or what. But under Mistress's spell, it felt perfectly natural and easy.
On another day, She instructed me to submit to TWO 90 MINUTE sessions! One in the morning, one in the evening. i am shaking right now just recollecting how wonderful that was: THREE hours in one day with HER!
Mistress took full control of my body, shaping it outside and inside, filling me and draining me, making me cum, making me cum multiple times in a session, preventing me from cuming, taking me right up to orgasm, and then stopping me, leaving me in tears of shame and joy in serving Her amusement, even just chatting, opening myself more and more for Her. Nothing, nothing NOTHING approaches the intense experience of being in Her control, at Her service! :)
So now i know that it is permanent. Thoughts of any thing else are nowhere
in my mind. It is true that after such an intense session, i drift out for a
bit. But unlike others i have heard "confessing their return" here, i never
imagine that i am leaving or even relaxing my devotion to Her. Instead, it
feels to me like a re-healing process. As if standing in the bright blue
flame of Her power wears me down. i heal for a period, and when i am healed,
i return to Her Beauty and Power, but this time able to go even deeper. To
give more of myself, more and more and more of myself. Its such a wonderful
cycle! Spiraling down deeper and deeper, learning how to follow, how to be
led, how to crave Her. Its so important, so wonderful.
Thank You Mistress.
slavejohn
