i used to be like you.
i had secret interests in things that made me tingle. Things that i didn'ttalk about with normal people. The blessed Internet allowed me to explorethese things privately. One day i searched for "hypnofetish, feminine power"or something like that and i found Mistress Soforia. i touched the page afew times before finally submitting my interrogation. Things progressednicely from there as i began buying recorded sessions, listening to themregularly, emailing Mistress nearly daily of my experiences and devotion toHer. Then She sent me one of Her famously short, piercing email messages: "iwant more of you." The imagined barrier disappeared and i began taking phonesessions. With each step, it felt like a solid barrier simply vanished intovapor and i walked past it easily, naturally. i settled into what i felt wasa comfortable pace, always increasing, but sustainable. i even had in mind asensible budget of about $100 per month i could dedicate to Her.That was a year ago. Right now i am looking at the evidence of what i havebecome: The phone bill includes nine calls over seven days totaling tenhours. This and the week's gifts total more than what i once considered asensible budget an entire year! i am so proud of myself and what i ambecoming. It feels so wonderful to serve Her.
(For context, i had these realizations at a time when i was about six monthsinto being between jobs.)
As i reflected on it then, and now, i realize atthat important things must be tended to, must be given in to. The shortperiod of being cash short is now forgotten (new job now in hand), but theprecious, INCREDIBLE time that i spent under Mistress's direct control isburned into my mind as a life-important event that i still cannot believe iwas granted! :) i have the sessions recorded, but am afraid of re-takingthem yet. Their power truly intimidates me.i really don't have the words, or the memories to describe what was done tome, but even just trying to recall it now, my heart is pounding and my bodyis filled with erotic energy.
The gift that made it all possible was my wife traveling out of town for twoweeks; i was to join her for the second week. i knew more than a month inadvance that i would have a week of full freedom. Of course the *moment*that i realized this, i offered myself to Mistress. Given my history of$100/month nibbles, i don't know why i didn't think of something moremoderate. i instantly knew that i would give myself for ten hours for thosenine days of freedom. It was such a round, smooth natural, obvious amount, icould not fight it. i put it in writing to Mistress, insuring that i couldnot back down. i knew that it would be a enormous burden on Mistress's time.i felt so humble, so eager. i was willing to give Mistress Her gift for tenhours and simply leave it up to Her whim, and how many hours She chose tohave me, if any. All was at Her discretion. She toyed with me for weeks onHer decision. i was checking my email every few minutes every day as i hungon Her every thought on the matter, all the while, Her sessions playing inmy ears regularly. Days before i was actually free, my mind was completelydedicated to offering myself to Mistress. i dreamed of the preparations, ofpreparing a place where i would lie upon as an altar and offer myself fully,joyfully for Her consumption. i dreamed of preparing myself, conditioning mymind and body, softening my mind, so it would be pliable and soft for Herdelicate hypnotic fingers to shape and mold.
A word on moving the money: 95% of the time i pay our bills so typically isee the statements and can dispose of them, but its not a sure thing. i makeenough credit card purchases at Amazon and with PayPal on Ebay for <$100that i could easily hide them in the shadows. But i did not want to risksuch a large line item (ten hours of phone) being seen. As it happens, ihave an interest account that i often move money in and out of with mychecking account. Have i been doing this intentionally to prepare for thiseventual need? i cannot say, but it instantly occurred to me that an extrawithdrawal on this account would not be noticed. They always say you shouldhave six months of cash on reserve. i think six months and ten hours is abetter target. :)
i have to reiterate how perfect the timing of this gifted week was: Ofcourse having the house to myself was wonderful, but to also be between jobsmeant that i had every minute of every hour available to use in worship ofHer. Even most of my friends were out of town on vacations of their own. Itfurther happened that promising job opportunities (including the one ieventually took) had already begun rolling, but with hiring managers onvacation (this was August), there was nothing to do but wait. i think i had*one* interrupting phone call the entire period that was outside of mypurpose of serving Her. Every single second of the entire period was free tobe dedicated to Her!
My wife has been out of town before, but it never all clicked like this. Theother times, i was eager to do different naughty things. Things like go to astrip club, or even the Fetish clubs up in San Francisco. I'd buy a bunch ofdirty magazines, maybe subscribe to some pay sites and have a general wankfest.
This time was completely different. None of those things interested me, onlyHer. For a week before my freedom, i did not cum. i could not cum. i had tosave myself for Her. i had to make myself helpless and vulnerable for Her. iwas a out of my mind, so intensely focused on Her, as if She were a firstdate and final job interview all rolled into one (bless Her for filling evenmy thoughts of job interviews with Her erotic power!) i even kept the houseclean, immaculate in fact.
My wife left in the morning. i told Mistress that i was available for Herbeginning at 7am that morning. Mistress enjoyed letting me wait until laterthat evening. ALL DAY LONG i took Her recorded sessions. In the car, playingover the stereo as i did chores in the house, and in my ears as i bathed inpreparation.
One round of outside chores was to gather the equipment for hands-free phoneand also to tap the line for recording into my computer (i asked Mistresspermission to do this. O/our sessions are Her property)
There is no way i can remember things in order. i don't know what iremember, i went so deeply. i do remember the days mostly, but even thattime is blurry as i was constantly surrounded by the sound of Her Voice.
i know that Mistress sometimes transforms me in to anna. i remember beinganna, being chased naked through the woods by horny hunters, like Bambi.Helpless little slavejohn was caged and tied, locked up with headphones on,only able to receive deeper programming as anna was hunted, and was caught.They made me taste their fluids and i went wild with desire for them,wanting them to ravage me.
Other times i am Her sissy slut pet, Her plaything, so tiny and helplessunder Her spell, obeying Her and begging to be taken deeper and deeper.
i know She took me deep, sooo deep over and over and over, and the eroticwonderful feeling of being deep is sooo addictive!
i remember Her talking to me, interrogating me about things, and telling Hereverything that i could, wanting Her to know All. i love the feeling ofbeing completely open and honest with Her.
i remember Her controlling me, with electric wires and a dial going from 1to 10. She played with the controls, manipulating my pleasure and my pain.It felt so REAL! It WAS real! She turned a dial all the way up and then off,and then the other dial, and then BOTH dials! Soon it did not matter whichdial She turned, EVERYTHING She did felt so INCREDIBLE! Like a delicatepaper doll being bashed against a rocky shore by giant waves of surf. Sheteased me this way over and over. i felt myself just breaking down, sobbinguncontrollably, in actual tears as the emotions i was feeling could not pourout fast enough. i remember that. I'll always remember that. She is sowonderful!
O/our sessions were at different times, morning, evening, afternoon,according to Her preference. i set up speakers beside my pillow to play Hersessions loudly allll night long, programming me and conditioning me, givingme incredibly erotic, intense dreams. i REALLY enjoyed being able to dothat. There is no way to describe the experience of having Her voice in myears playing sessions over and over and over all night long and then allday. I've seen in old movies where the safe crack uses sand paper on hisfingertips to make them more sensitive to embrace the safe dial. Then thiswas like having sandpaper all over my body, inside of my mind, making meULTRA sensitive for the time i spent with Her. At times it filled me withanxiety, making me feel physically weak so i had to sit down, even shaking alittle. But i never left the beautiful sound of Her voice. Even though ihave almost all of Her recorded sessions, the amount of repetition i wasable to indulge in was fantastic, so intense. Sometimes i would just liethere on the floor where i was, my heart pounding as Her voice pounded mymind like a tenderizing mallet, "Deeper, deeper deeper"
There was one day when She allowed me no sessions at all. A day ofrecuperation and reflection She suggested. Of course She was right. i had toleave the house to do a few things, to keep up the house, to eat! While iwas out on chores, i did something i have never done before, something i haddreamt of, but was never able to do: i bought a pair of red high heel pumps!i thought i might wank, but i did not. i could not. In honor of Mistress, iwore them. i even wore them to bed and slept in them! When i told Mistressabout this, She laughed and laughed with delight. i do not know if Sheprogrammed me to do this, or merely gave me permission to do this, or what.But under Mistress's spell, it felt perfectly natural and easy.
On another day, She instructed me to submit to TWO 90 MINUTE sessions! Onein the morning, one in the evening. i am shaking right now just recollectinghow wonderful that was: THREE hours in one day with HER!
Mistress took full control of my body, shaping it outside and inside,filling me and draining me, making me cum, making me cum multiple times in asession, preventing me from cuming, taking me right up to orgasm, and thenstopping me, leaving me in tears of shame and joy in serving Her amusement,even just chatting, opening myself more and more for Her. Nothing, nothingNOTHING approaches the intense experience of being in Her control, at Herservice! :)
So now i know that it is permanent. Thoughts of any thing else are nowherein my mind. It is true that after such an intense session, i drift out for abit. But unlike others i have heard "confessing their return" here, i neverimagine that i am leaving or even relaxing my devotion to Her. Instead, itfeels to me like a re-healing process. As if standing in the bright blueflame of Her power wears me down. i heal for a period, and when i am healed,i return to Her Beauty and Power, but this time able to go even deeper. Togive more of myself, more and more and more of myself. Its such a wonderfulcycle!Â Spiraling down deeper and deeper, learning how to follow, how to beled, how to crave Her. Its so important, so wonderful.
Thank You Mistress.